Steady:

Lord there are days when I feel far from you and other days I feel so close. So close that I wonder why or how I felt any different. What causes this feeling, who brings it and why is it allowed? My mind reminds me of the fear and doubt while my heart points to your Spirit and truth and my soul leads me to God through Jesus. My mind goes through the teachings I myself have professed with zeal in the presence of my students and those excited for the message and those grand moments of audacious trust in God in the midst of triumph. My heart reminds me of the many times God has come through when I both stood strong and when I lost all hope; and the words He's spoken to me when I was both content and in desperation. My spirit replays all the times I have spent hours in His presence and not one moment of my dancing, kneeling, crying, laughing, praising, praying, interceeding or warring has gone unnoticed. He loves my presence more than I do, want or ever could love His. This thought both breaks my heart and brings it peace. His love is unconditional, never ending and never selfish. My love is conditional, shaky, and self-seeking. I love His love, and I hate my own. It is not fair that you love so purely and my love is mixed so filthy. How could this trade be legal, how could it work and there be peace with such injustice. Lord, you loved before I was lovely. You love while I'm stained. You reached when I was un-reachable. You touch me though I neglect to respond so often. While I go through the valley and back to the peaks, you remain God. While I find myself crawling and then running, you alone are God. While I find distraction around every corner, then focused I return, you are continually God. While I falter, worry, and tarry, you are still God. What I mean to say is you never leave me nor forsake me, neither shun me nor ignore me but you are steady even when I am not.